I hate this. I do. Anxiety. I wish it didn’t take over like this.
Right now I’m fighting a full blown panic attack. DH took The Boy for a drive to deposit checks and drop something off, and I’m fighting this panic that something is going to happen to them. It killed me to say goodbye; when I kissed The Boy I thought “This is going to be the last time to feel his warm skin on your lips”. I HATE THIS. I don’t want it. I didn’t ask for it. I just want to make it all go away…
Thank goodness there’s counseling on Tuesday.
I always had this, but with the accident… now all I can think is “It CAN happen to us. It DID. It could easily happen again.”
That being said, in some ways I’ve gotten better, gotten more control over it. I’m less likely to just flip out about more random things. Like the kind I laid in bed crying because I imagined what would happen if I went blind.
OK. I need to pull together. For the girls. THEY ARE FINE.