Yesterday I received news that a dear family friend – someone who has been a part of my life since I was 5 – had unexpectedly passed away.
Two weeks ago he was visiting and running around with my kids. And yesterday, my mother found him dead.
Initially, that was the worse part; knowing my mother had to be the one to find him. She had been getting worried when she couldn’t get in touch with him, and by Monday night she knew something was wrong. She and his brother went into his house to check on him.
My parents had been divorced when I was about 2, and then my dad passed away when I was 11. I never saw him between then. And my mom never had a boyfriend. Well, maybe “Mr. Bob” was, I don’t know the nature of that, I just know that as awful as this is for me, it has to be so much worse for her. Again, he’s been a part of our lives for 26 years.
And then there was telling the kids. DS (2) doesn’t understand… I do dread when he sees my mom, because invariably he asks “Where Bob?” DD (5) doesn’t seem to quite understand, but she was all lovey and huggy and kissy after that, trying to make sure we were smiling. DD(7) understands… and perhaps that’s the most heartbreaking of all. While it’s not the first time she has been faced with a death of someone, this is the first person she truly KNEW and loved.
One thing we’ve had to stress is that it is NOT “normal” to fall asleep and die. (We’re pretty sure it happened in his sleep, for which I’m grateful.) I don’t want her to be afraid of that. But she sees it for what it is. “It’s not fair Mommy… we didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”
And that’s yet another “worst part”. The shock. It hasn’t really hit. It will suddenly dawn on me in little pieces, but for the most part I’m still in shock. How can that happen? Please, if you’re still reading this, think of someone you might be taking for granted in your life. Think if this were to happen to you, what would your biggest regret be? Now start thinking how you can rectify that.
Blah. I rambled. I’ll post. Talk about a quick way to get over perfectionist blogging! I just needed to get it out, not in any particular order, not thought out, just… OUT THERE. Out of my head, even for just a little bit.
Besides… I’m wearing pink shoes! How can I not be OK? See, today is also Day 2 of the Flylady Chat Babysteps Challenge! And yes, it was a push to get dressed today. Yes, I’m moving in a fog.
But I also know I have 3 kids to care for. And so I decided to try to keep up with the challenge, and today’s babystep is to get dressed… TO THE SHOES! So, I am. And oddly enough, while I could only find 1 of my ‘houseshoes’ for the past few months (really, they’re just hot pink Walmart clearance canvas sneakers), I found the missing one this morning. So, I think I should keep plugging. Try to keep things “normal” as we grieve.
If I’m not around for a bit, it will be because of travels this weekend to go back “home”. (I don’t consider where I grew up “home”, but that’s another story for another post!) I don’t even think I”ll go back and reread this, I don’t want to overthink, just want this out there.
Please go give hugs to your loved ones, and don’t forget to FLY!