Indescribable

Someone gave me the light.

I could see.

I treasured the light.

Let it fill me.

Let it push away the darkness.

I wanted to share the light.

But nobody wanted it.

They didn’t believe in it.

They didn’t believe in me.

So the darkness found it’s way back in.

The light was gone.

The light is gone.

I am so empty.

Can I live without the light?

I did once.

But it’s different.

The darkness is worse.

It threatens to take me over.

But always…

The memory of the light.

But now…

It burns me.

I have to cover the glowing embers.

To think of the light is to burn.

Burning from deep within.

On a level I never knew existed.

So here I sit.

Let the darkness swallow me

Or let the light burn me?

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About growingintome

Oh goodness... where to start! I am a preschool teacher with three little rugrats. A loving (usually!) wife. A Flybaby-in-training. Fascinated by natural childbirth and breastfeeding. Working on improving my knitting and crocheting. Would love to learn to play the piano and guitar. Dreaming of being a sign language interpreter. Totally amateur blogger. In case you didn't guess.
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4 Responses to Indescribable

  1. mommylebron says:

    I’m worried about, love. What’s wrong? Remember you can email me anytime.

    • Aww, thanks sweetie! It’s something I’ve been dealing with, sometimes it just is too much. I was glad I was able to let it out last night, I’ve never written anything like that before but it honestly helped me A LOT. (((HUGS))) THANK YOU!

  2. HDogg says:

    Aherm. I would take a middle ground approach. And just as a heads up, from the dates on your entries it would seem that your body may be hitting an assimilation stage- it compensates for the effects of the drug that has been helping you, so those effects are no longer strongly felt. Knew I had an urge to check your journal for a reason. Anyhoo. If you have to, up the dosage. If you’d rather not, then FIGHT dammit. You’ll need to reroute your synapses “by hand” and here’s how you do it. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, counter it with a positive. Every time you feel weak, give it to God and let it go. It’s exhausting. But it works. Call me if you need to. I quit my job so I’m no longer being harassed by my racist boss and have more time.

  3. Well, this really has nothing to do with the AD/HD, but that’s still great advice! One of the BEST things about the meds is I can stop the negative thinking! I’ve tried to do it before (for the last how many years/decades?) but most of the time was unsuccessful. That’s why I take the meds late morning; yes the day starts off crazy, but I can go to sleep because the icky voices are controllable.

    I’ll have to be in touch soon!!! (My voice? Almost gone! Stinkin cold/allergies/whatever….)

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