As Julie Andrews would say:
Let’s start at the beginning. It’s a very good place to start.
So Dr. S. the psychologist gave me a diagnosis of ADHD. I’m “mentally hyper”, hence the “H” in there. Along with counseling, he recommended some medication. He spoke of 1 drug in particular, and mentioned starting at 10mg, going up to 20 within a week or so, and possibly going as high as 40.
I went and saw my doctor about a week ago. We discussed the diagnosis as well as his letter (more on that later!) and decided to try some medication. Starting dose? 5 mg. Personally I was thrilled; I’m very nervous about it, and starting low seemed better to me! I’ll be seeing him again in a little over a week, so instead of the week in between, it’s more like 2 1/2. I’m curious how Dr. S will react.
ANYway…. I was a nervous wreck that first day. Seriously. I was on my way to a panic attack. And since one of my fears was my heart exploding… yeah. Not cool. Plus, my doctor had warned of an increase in anxiety as a side effect. (My response? “Can it GET any higher?!”) Thankfully, a friend had given me some Rescue Remedy drops so I tried those and calmed down.
I took it right before the girls were to leave for the bus. Every description I had read talked about how “the veil was lifted” and how it was “like putting on glasses for the first time”. Whoa, really? I had NO idea what to expect but that sounded drastic! I got them ready and on the bus; about 10-15 minutes had gone by. “Ah well”, I thought. “Maybe it really is too small a dose. Geez, I should tumble the laundry and put the dishes away.”
Next thing I knew? Laundry was tumbling and I was putting away dishes.
Usually, it was more like “Geez, I should tumble the laundry and put the dishes away”. Followed by me promptly forgetting it. And checking my email. Then grabbing breakfast. Then putting away a few dishes. Then remembering the laundry. Then going downstairs. Then getting distracted by something in the foyer. Then –
Well, you get the hint.
Better focus? Check!
I can’t believe how in control I feel in regards to my thoughts. I can really THINK, not just have thoughts, if that makes any sense. Words are having meaning, not just floating in my head. And they’re not all at once! When I do start to get too cluttered in my head, I can stop and get it back under control.
I feel like I have more control over my body now, too! I can not only THINK about what I have to do, I can tell my body to DO IT! And my body isn’t fighting me back! I can even spend more time with my son without my mind distracting me and my body suddenly getting “tired”.
As for the possibility of increased anxiety? The opposite. I am sooo much calmer now. I can stop the spiraling negative thoughts! And because I’m able to get things done, a lot of the triggers are removed. I used to have to try and remember to keep my shoulders low, not hunch/tighten them up. NOT a problem anymore!
I am much more patient with my kids and husband. Mellow, I suppose! Not perfect by any means, but even when I start to get agitated or snap, I can get myself calmed down.
I won’t lie, that first day I broke down in tears multiple times because I could not believe the difference. I could not believe the peace that I had.
The first day I understood the “lack of appetite” thing. Ugh. My stomach was NOT happy, and I was worried I would have to stop. For a few days after it was worse about an hour after I took it, so I just started having peppermint tea ready. Now, I don’t even need that! Other then that, I really don’t notice any side effects!
I think something I need to work on now is undoing some things that became habit. I’m used to putting things off. I’m not used to writing things down. I’m used to having a zillion floating thoughts. I’m used to being impatient with my kids all the time.
Slowly but surely, I’ll build up the healthy habits!
There is so much more I could tell you, about so many things! But this is a bit overdue, so I’ll save it for another time!
Much more peacefully,